When did conversations on a decidedly horny show become so puritanical?
I’m watching Love Island USA like it’s my job. I could claim I watch it ironically, or I view it from a critical lens due to my interest in dissecting pop culture. But honestly, I do get giddy when I see Brinity having a cute moment. I like when the girls all have fun together. I enjoy consuming something with the rest of America and laughing at all the memes after each episode.
But I’ve noticed something dark recently - the introduction of the word “lustful.” Contestants routinely accuse each other of being lustful, and even use it as a reason to vote each other out. They have labeled certain connections as primarily based on lust, therefore not to be taken as seriously as other relationships. Moreover, the men refer to engaging in sexual activity as “folding,” with the implication that they are giving into temptation, rather than participating in a mutual desired act with a person they like.
In a show where literally everyone makes out all the time and people are French-frying in beds two feet from each other, the manosphere has somehow wormed its way into the Villa.
The greater world used to be insulated from losers with no game. But, in recent years, aspects of the manosphere ideology spilled over from isolated online communities into the zeitgeist. One of those philosophies, the Red Pill, has become prevalent among young people in the dating realm.
The term “Red Pill” comes from the Matrix, but the manosphere has appropriated and dumbed down this concept from a film directed by two trans women. To men captivated by the manosphere, taking the red pill means they are now awake to the truth that feminism is a “sexual strategy” that gives women more power over men. Everyone has a sexual market value, and feminism leads women to interrogate their worth. Consequently, women are now in a more powerful position in finding a mate, and men are at more risk of rejection. To combat this, men must implement their own strategy to improve their sexual market value.
So, what gives a man high sexual market value? Confidence, fitness, physical attractiveness to name a few. Also, somewhat paradoxically, a man with high sexual market value is not necessarily one who engages in excessive sexual escapades. The ability to remain firm against the wiles of women is lauded. If a man is perceived to have given up some sort of power in exchange for a sexual bounty, this assumed groveling is seen as weak.
The Red Pill ideology sees high sexual market value in women who are young, fertile, and sexy yet coquettish, but certainly not slutty. Red Pillers also lower women’s perceived sexual value to leverage power against them. For instance, women who have had multiple partners are seen as devalued, and the idea of virginity is fetishized.
There are Red Pillers who live intensely in this ideology, living and breathing the toxic drivel constantly posted to subreddits like r/TheRedPill. But many more men are casual dabblers in these communities; they may not be subscribers, but their YouTube algorthims have served them up questionable videos. Even having a friend who is into Joe Rogan will affect the average guy’s feed. And suddenly the violent incel rhetoric that lead to horrific incidents like the 2014 Isla Vista attacks is watered down, filtered through video after video, post after post, until your average college kid is thinking about his crush’s body count, without considering the distastefulness of such a notion.
Love Island provides a unique window into how the manosphere has affected both men and women. Every conversation between men about the women, women about the men, and couples about each other is captured, and all of these conversations revolve around compatibility, sexual chemistry, and how far everyone is into their connections. Each contestant discusses his or her own values and what they wish to see in a partner, and values often don’t necessarily match.
In several seasons, the show forced everyone to participate in challenges where each islander revealed the number of sexual partners they’ve had. Often, the men had many more sexual partners than the women, yet hypocritically expressed discontent with the women’s numbers. The women also often seemed perturbed by the men’s numbers, and expressed concern that the men may not be serious about finding love on the reality tv show where swimsuit-clad contestants make out in 4k. This challenge has not yet occurred this season, potentially due to online backlash about the crude nature of the event, and I’m hoping production has officially shelved it.
Even without the drama of the numbers challenge, the islanders this season have exhibited evidence of being affected by Red Pill ideas. Some men have complained that the Villa women were not being as sexually open as the men would have liked, while also incongruously claiming that some of the women went too far in testing their connections with other islanders. One islander threatened to stop making breakfast for his partner due to perceived slights, despite the fact that he was the only one who had strayed in their couple. One islander felt disrespected by his partner making out with another man in a challenge, but had no problem building emotional and physical connections with two other women. One contestant wants his partner to be exclusive with him, but does not want the responsibility and commitment of being her boyfriend. The men have overall expected loyalty and servility while refusing to subject themselves to such humiliation.
The women are not blameless; the prevalence of Red Pill rhetoric has likewise infected their mindsets about relationships and sexuality. The women are primarily the ones throwing around the term “lustful,” using it to disparage actions they see by the men as primarily motivated by lechery. If a man moves too quickly to secure another connection when his prior connection is voted off, that lustful behavioral is punishable by banishment. If the group deems a couple’s attraction to be primarily physical, they must go. The fear of lascivious behavior is especially confounding given the contestants are on a show called Love Island, where every evening the couples bump and grind in a line of beds beneath the all-seeing eyes of night vision cameras.
But this is the world we currently live in. It may have been inevitable that after the 2010s #GirlBoss movement, conservative values would make a reactionary rise. We’re seeing the belittlement of women from all sides. We’ve got content glorifying the aesthetics of trad wives (at least, a fictionalized version of them, where rather than waking up at 4 a.m. to complete the backbreaking work homesteading actually requires, they just wear pioneer-inspired dresses and bake sourdough for the camera). Young men are increasingly supportive of far-right manosphere influencers like Andrew Tate, infamous for human trafficking and abuse against women. In a society that has been co-opted by a bunch of online asocial dummies making up fake social value scales, it’s no wonder we’ve seen these concerning trends of how both men and women talk about women and sexuality.
I’d like to propose that we start reversing course by Getting Real. Red Pill rehab starts now. A message to all of my islanders: no one’s value lessens or increases by simply engaging or not engaging in sensual/sexual activity. And men, you all just need to shut up and start yearning. You’re lucky to even be in the presence of women, the way you’ve all been acting!
At heart, I am a hopeless romantic. I do believe these wannabe influencers can find love on this island. But only if everyone starts getting a lot cooler about a lot of stuff really fast.
Sources:
"Digesting the Red Pill: Masculinity and Neoliberalism in the Manosphere" by Shawn P. Van Valkenburg
“Take the Red Pill, Blame Feminism: Victimization Narratives Across the Manosphere” by Rina James
“Swallowing and spitting out the red pill: young men, vulnerability, and radicalization pathways in the manosphere” by Matteo Botto and Lucas Gottzén